…I will be happy I moved to Colorado. I haven't been blogging as much lately, because, well I tend not to blog much when I'm in a major slump. And that's what I've been in ever since Leadville. But in the last week or so, I've tried to concentrate on being positive and patient, instead of obsessing over things that suck right now.
My recent visit to Kansas was equal parts happy (to see familiar faces and places) and depressing. With every familiar face I saw, came the questions. How are things? How's the job search? And every time I answered them, I realized more and more, how I'm not where I thought I'd be with my life right now. I thought by now I'd be running more than 10-20 miles per week. I thought by now I'd be better at running hills (mountains). I thought by now I'd have a job. It pretty much boils down to feeling useless in every aspect of life. I'm not bringing any money into the household and I have lots of extra time on my hands. But even with the extra time my running doesn't seem to improve.
Maybe the running boils down to a lack of companionship, i.e. running partners. There are people I run with sometimes, but they're much faster than I am, so I'm not really running WITH them so much as chasing after them as best I can. In Kansas, I had lots of people to run with. Especially my BUBF (best ultra buddy forever), Sarah. And even if I did run alone, I never felt like I would fall over and die on any of my runs. It's tough to encourage yourSELF to run all the way up a 1500ft ascent when it's just you and the trail. So I guess my adventures in running improvement are equal parts physical and mental.
Perhaps it's a good thing. Maybe a little mental fortitude and independence is what I need. But I sure did like having girlfriends like Sarah, Coleen and Debbie by my side to reassure me and tell me everything would work out. In Kansas, you give me 3 weeks and I could go from being an injured mess to being competitive in a 50k. In Colorado, give me 3 weeks and who knows what'll happen. I might have 1 good week of training and 2 pathetic ones.
As for the job situation. I think it boils down to me being irresponsible and totally ignorant of the job market. When I graduated from college, the job market was not great but I still found a good job. And I stayed at that job for six years. I didn't work at securing a job before I left Kansas. I figured I'd find one a few weeks after I moved. WRONG. I just had this mentality of having a comfortable job for six years, where I was never too worried about being laid off, that finding a job would be no big deal. Now I'm realizing the engineering job market in Denver is not so great. I've gotten to the point that I'm just looking for A job. But getting just any job when you have a bachelors and masters degree in mechanical engineering is also not easy. Being overqualified doesn't help you either.
Sooo there it is. Life is tough, but I know that little by little things will improve. And maybe a year from now, this will all be a distant memory. Anyway, there are people who have it a lot rougher than me. My boyfriend is supporting both of us and still has enough money to replace the Kindle I broke with a Kindle Fire (I did not ask for a replacement). So maybe that thought will also shut up my whiny brain.